Not so BIG GRANDMA anymore...

This was my mom last year in August with my oldest brother's granddaughter.

Remember I told you all that mom lost 53+ pounds (and the rat only gained 4 oz over the holiday, she sucks!) Well, this is her now...

I am SO very proud of her, she is so cool. We have always been good friends even when I was a total pain in her ass as a teen. She kept wearing her FAT clothes until I bought her a few new tops and pants. This is the first skinny shirt that I bought for her. Give it up for the moms, she is the bomb! I am going to buy her a LOT more clothes for Christmas. She so deserves them.

Can't forget the pops, he lost about 30 lbs. I so love my folks! My daughter is his most favorite grandchild. You can tell how much he adores her just by looking at this pic.

~This is cool~ Made me feel very old, but it was fun nonetheless...

*SMILE*

Well, since my son broke my heart yesterday I felt that I needed something to make me smile so here is is. I can't remember where I found it so I can't give them credit, but I love it.

DUMB AS A BOX OF ROCKS!!!

Believe it or not, I am not talking about the hubby this time, I am talking about our son. I didn't know that 11 year old boys were this hard to raise. He has always been a really easy kid to raise, no back talking, no problems, no behavior issues...UNTIL!!! About 7-8 months ago I caught him surfing porn on MY computer. We had a big huge talk about how awful that is and how degrading and wrong all of that is. Well, I check his history on the computer on occasion, no problems since then. UNTIL...

I got home from work today and my computer was on... Hmm... He is not allowed on the computer without an adult around (we now have trust issues...for good reason). Well I logged on as him, checked his history and lo and behold I found out that he was surfing porn again. Looks like he did it yesterday and today, ugh! My baby boy is no longer a baby I guess. He not only did that (if that weren't enough) he sprayed deodorant (from his PE bag) in to the eyes of 3 (really big) 8th graders on the bus. They jumped him on the way home. UMMmm OK?! WTF would prompt him to go and do something stupid like that? Is he looking for an early death? He is white/Hispanic and the deodorant was sprayed randomly and hit 3 black kids. We live in a predominantly black neighborhood. Smart move dumbass!!! Now they are gonna turn it in to a "race thing". Little do they know, his great-grandmother is black. But I am so white that they (my children) have very white skin like me. Genetics, strange how that stuff works. Anyway not only is he turning in to a little horndog, he is an instigator and he conveniently can't remember all of a sudden if he has band or gym class. He has always been on top of all that stuff... Needless to say I am at a loss with him. Teenagerhood is here full force and he isn't even 80 lbs yet!!!

What is a mom to do? Looks like we are going to put him in the after school program and let them keep him until we can go pick him up. He will no longer have the freedom of coming home and chillin and getting his homework finished. Personally I think he needs a good lickin, but I am afraid to tell his father about the porn, last time he did it, it was really ugly up in here.

Please anyone out there with any advice or encouragement, I could really use it right now.

WHEW! GLAD THAT'S OVER!!!!

So I bet no one could tell I was just a little bit miffed at the dumbass that I am married to?!?! Well, I still don't like him very much right now, but as always I will get over it like I always do (yes my friends this is why people walk all over me and I know that).

Ok, about the holiday at the rents (for all of you that missed it, that means the parents). It was just as I predicted. We left 2 hours late from our house on Thursday morning (as anticipated). I only forgot 2 things (not bad for doing it myself) which weren't important at all. We left without breakfast because we were running late (thanks hun). Kids were screaming that they were hungry but the hubby tried to make them hold out "because we are gonna eat SO much when we get there..." But after about 3 hours decided that HE was hungry so we stopped to get something to eat. We got there and Baby Girl was feeling sneezy and spread the wealth. She still managed to play and have fun for the most part. Little Man was playing with the bratty neighbor boy and somehow managed to;

1) get his finger hooked with a fishhook
2) get soaking wet
3) ruin his brand new Georgia Bulldog shirt
4) catch a little fish, cut it up and fry it with a blow torch

I know that the majority of his misdeeds were in large part due to my 15 year old (brother-spawn) nephew that has never had any discipline whatsoever in his entire life....

My oldest brother, his wife and her daughter showed up about 1/2 an hour after we got there. Her daughter is strange and 16. (Nuff said there) The wife was sporting a brand new tattoo of a tiger on her right shoulder blade... Umm... yeah....
The rents are doing good mom has lost 53 lbs in all and looks kinda strange to me. I am used to seeing more of her. Pop has lost about 30lbs and has a waddle under his chin, LOL!!! Just in time for Thanksgiving. Of course we all ate too much and I fell asleep on the loveseat. Only slept for about 45 minutes. The oldest brother and his entourage left (one down one to go...) Of course we got settled in to the living room and favorite child of my rents got the guest room queen sized bed and cots for his spawns. (Fine whatever...) I woke up at 4:00 and had to pee really REALLY bad but pop was using the pot and I didn't want to go in to their room to use theirs so I waited and waited and waited.... I forgot that pop gets up, does his thing, takes a shower, shaves, cuts his nails, blah blah blah... Needless to say he was taking his sweet time and I almost peed myself!!! He finally got out and I hopped in. I had a tummy ache almost all day after that. My cold seemed to be letting up which was a good thing. So after we all got up and as usual my brother sends his spawn to go shower and use up all the hot water with their 45-60 minute showers each. And everyone was all set and ready to go shopping... I finally got the chance to go shower in cold water. THEN they have the nerve to rush ME!!! Oh, I really hate people! SO... Mom, the sister-in-law her daughter and mine went shopping at the mall. Just as we were leaving they decided to stop at the perfume counter. WTF! I got an allergic reaction to ??? and in about 20 minutes I started to itch, my entire upper body including my face,arms, back and eyes were starting to burn and sting. Great! I am so much fun to have around. We made a quick stop at Wal-Mart, got some antihistamine in me real quick. Which of course sent me in to la la land in no time fast. Glad to say the burning and itching stopped after about 45 minutes but I still have these ugly little red bumps all over me. I feel pretty, oh so pretty... We finally got back to the house, ordered pizza (it was Friday after all) and then the brother and his spawn left. We settled in to the guest room and had a good nights sleep. Up at 4:30 to pee and used mom's pot this time because the other was occupied... Went back to sleep. Woke up about 7ish. Kids got dressed and went fishing without hurting the poor little fish this time. We left there about 12:30 and what normally would be a 4 hour trip turned in to 7 LOOOONNNGGGG ass hours! Traffic was at a standstill most of the way home, ugh!
Today all I did was work on my "sons" science project. Ummm I hope I.....I mean he gets a good grade on this project. I hate those stupid things! All the teachers know the kids are too stupid to do it themselves so the parents always do them! Oh and I got severely pissed at the only man that says he loves me!!! Yeah, prove it!!!

Well I am just glad to be getting back to work tomorrow and for at least 3 weeks get my life back in some sense of order.

For all this I am supposed to be thankful...

I guess in a strange outta body experience kinda way I guess I am...

DUMB SHIT!!!

That is about all I can say right now. My husband is a dumb shit! We got home last night after 7 hours on the road (7 HOURS!). It is a 4 hour drive, I hate I-95 during holiday traffic. Anyway he has been an ass all morning. I am so ready to just pack a bag and leave. I don't care if he is tired or frustrated, don't take your issues out on me! I got a cat bed for one of my cats that insists on sleeping on my bedroom floor. He tossed it in to the living room vowing that the cat will not sleep in our room. Well, she has slept there forever and I was thinking of a way to wash where she sleeps so his allergies won't bother him so bad. He starts getting stupid saying that I am choosing the cat over him. Ummmm STUPID!!! I am trying to make YOUR life better! He just can't see it JUST because I married the most self centered narcissistic asshole on the planet! OOOooooo everything that happens on this earth is all about him. Good or bad it just happens to affect him. Yeah he thrust us in to bankruptcy and ruined OUR credit, but was that HIS fault??? NOOOOO!!!!! It happened because the government is trying to keep him down. Ummm... NO, it is called you are toooooo stupid to listen to your wife and get your shit together and you dragged me down with you! So come January I am making him give me his share of the house, build up my credit and get our lives in order. If he wants to tag along fine, if not, SEE YA!!!!

I am so freakin sick of living with stupidity! My best GF is as stupid as he is. Maybe they should start dating!!!

So anyone out there want a new friend? I am looking for someone who is non-toxic and has a mind of their own. You know what I mean, someone who doesn't feed off of others. I am sick of being knocked down and stepped on. I just want people to be normal!!!

Thanks for listening, venting is SOOOOO sweet!

PANTIES IN A BUNCH!!!

That's right, that is what holidays mean to me. Everyone in my world has their panties in a bunch! My parents insist that we all go to her house to cram ourselves together to "enjoy" this holiday feast. Sounds good to me if;

1) My brother's kids weren't the evil spawn.
2) My parents had sufficient space for all of us.
3) We didn't have to sleep on the floor in the living room because my brother (my parent's favorite child) gets the guest room.
4) I liked my oldest brother's trashy wife.
5) My best GF would stop acting like I am leaving town to spite her.
6) My hubby would actually get off his ass and help me pack the car and the food and the kids....

That's right folks. I am truly an evil person. I must be. Everyone wants a piece of me. I want to just chill in my own house without all the hassle of travel and snuggle up with my babies. I have now given Baby Girl the flu. She is miserable. I only hopes she spreads the wealth with the rest of my ungrateful family!!!

This my friends is how I feel today!!!

Hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving and after seeing your relatives, renews their feelings that the farther away y'all moved the better off all y'all are on a daily basis!

TEN YEARS AGO...

Think about that for a minute, where were you ten years ago? I know where I was. Baby Girl was born 10 years ago. We celebrated her birthday on Friday November 18, 2005. Yep, MY baby is now a double digit demon (ummm not really, that just sounded good..)! LOL!!!

Here I am full term preggers with the little princess herself.

Here is Little Man at the time she was born (Isn't he a doll?!).

Here is my Baby Girl when she was 3 days old. OK Shut up I know those thighs are GI-NORMOUS!!!

Here she was when she was about 4 or 5 years old. You don't get much cuter than that!

I am so glad she is here and she is mine. She is the spitting image of me (which is scarey for her).

I have been a little blue this weekend thinking that this roller coaster ride of mommyhood is 1/2 over and the REAL fun hasn't even started yet (teenagerhood). I can honstly say I love being their mom. But I am a kid snob, I don't like just any and all kids. I think a lot of parents out there need to step up and get their kids in check. If they can't raise them, they shouldn't breed them. I know that sounds mean but... I am so sick to death trying to explain to my kids why so many kids out there are mean/nasty/hateful, etc. I shouldn't have to. I simply tell my kids that,"Their mommies didn't love them enough to teach them any better than that..." what more can I tell them?

Thank God I have the kids I have, they fit me just right.

~~~BORING~~~

I have just come to the realization that I am boring. I must be! I have to be! I am afraid of so many stupid mundane boring things. To the average person a lot of my phobias are really quirky and "out there".

I am terrified of/that;

1. onions (I really have a fear of these scarey little crunchy mean tasting things)
2. big dogs
3. little kids with dirty and sticky hands/faces
4. accidentally farting in public
5. nobody will love me if I speak my mind
6. of growing up
7. pitch black night
8. drowning
9. getting the cotton part of the q-tip stuck in my ear when I am cleaning it
10. when I die no one will remember that I walked this earth and that I never had a profound impact on anyone's life.

That sums up just a fraction of who I am. Have you ever seen that tv show Monk? Yeah, sometimes I feel like him. HE is creepy but I love him.

Today was a MONDAY!!! I can't get over how my day started. I should have stayed home in my undies watching awful tv all day. Would be cool except I really hate the tv. I was brushing baby girl's hair when all of a sudden there was a LOUD CRASH!!! I came out to find that one piece of my crystal chandelier had broken and shattered in to a million pieces. We hand carried that thing back from Panama. There is no way we can replace that piece ever! I got to work early (with anxiety from being off on Friday and not telling my boss that I was taking Friday off). Only to find I had ONE stinking thing to do. I mean really! You figure if you take off a couple of days you expect there to be something waiting for you. My boss JB was in a high anxiety mood today and it was infecting everyone else!!! Shut up JB and just go away!!! T. was in a foul (and when I say foul I mean HORRIBLE) stinky-ass mood today! P. was just walking around apologizing for everything and everyone. She really didn't need to do that but she was just trying to help. R. got her new glasses and I am really not used to seeing her in them. I think she looks cute though. D. looks perfect as usual (which was really wrong for a Monday morning. And B. was her totally bitchy cockroachish self as usual today. I can't stand here!

But I ended up leaving 15 minutes early and it has been fine ever since. Oh let me ask you one thing... why does it say not to drink alcohol with nighttime sleep aid? I took a couple and a beer and I am feeling NO pain whatsoever!!! It is great! Well, it was a sleep aid with sinus stuff in it, either way I feel pretty good right now....

I found this pic of my son from a year ago:

He looks like he is about 7 in this pic but he is 10, amazing how much difference a year makes. He is my heart & soul. I love him so much! Wait till the girls figure out that he is a cutie.

Here are a few other random pics from....ummm... I dunno???

Hope you enjoyed yourself after all this dribble... Take care out there in the cold cruel world.

I'M BAAACK............

So I didn't have too much to say about the week past so I figured I would just lurk around other people's blogs. You really start to learn a little something about how other people think. Some people just hate life and need some serious Prozac. Then you have the other people who post things just a "little too nice" (you know they are only saying certain things because people they are trying to impress are reading it). Some people are just really snotty and sarcastic (and funny). Then of course you have my favorite, the "horny little devils". All in all I have to say that I do enjoy what other people write. There are a lot of talented people (and NOT).

I met up with my best GF for a little bit this afternoon. Lo and behold she said c'mon over I'll be ready in a few minutes.... I left here about a half hour after she said that and it takes me about 15-20 to get there. When I walked in she had just gotten out of the shower and she was in her full glory, ugh! This means, yes there will be quite the wait (and there was). So I surfed the net, checked and answered my e-mail. Got something to eat and watched 1/2 of Weekend at Bernie's 2. When she was ready to go out (this is the kicker) we were too late for the sale at a certain store that we had planned to visit 3 days prior. Fancy that! We were late (again) to something because of her. So we went somewhere else. Which was fine. We went to the World Market and she spent about an hour trying to decide on a good wine. I really need to go friend shopping. When I left there I was planning on hooking up with the ever-predictable hubby. We had planned to go to Stickey Fingers and eat like pigs. Needless to say we are waiting for a Papa John's Pizza delivery guy as I am writing this. I swear the people in my life are really toxic to my sanity. Thank God my kid are quazai normal... (yeah, but look who's talking). Yes I rant and rave and complain endlessly, but I do know one thing for sure all the people who surround me love me no matter what. As much as I tend to be too emotional and let it all hit me where it hurts. I know that people don't mean to hurt/annoy/bother me intentionally. I guess it's all right after all...

Lame, Lame, Lame...

That's how I am feeling tonight. I went out with GF last night and I came to the very real realization that she is WAY TOO high maintenance for me. I mean REALLY... She couldn't decide what jeans to wear. They looked exactly the same to me. She put each of them on a couple of times and gave the pros and cons of each and just couldn't make up her mind. Finally I chose one for her, lied and told her it looked great (they both made her look fat). Then she threw on a pair of high heeled clogs and we finally got out the door. Of course I had been there almost 2 hours while she was getting her makeup on, flatironing her hair and blah blah blah.... We got out almost 1/2 way to the parking lot and she decided that the shoes were hurting her feet and was trying to decide weather or not to go back up and change her shoes. I was so over her indecisiveness that I told her she was gonna be uncomfortable and bitchy so she had better go change them and I would meet her at the car. After a few minutes of prodding her to get her ass upstairs and change the shoes she finally went, whew! Well we ended up at Uncle Bubba's Seafood. The food is so great but the service always BLOWS! We always expect to sit for a veeerrry long time whenever we go there and as usual it was horrible service. I think our chubby waitress was hitting on us, that kinda wierded me out. I am totally not in to chix, but if I were it wouldn't have been her...ewwww!!! I wanted to go out to City Market, but GF had other plans as usual. I wanted to go out to see and be seen. She wanted to go out to eat a LOT which means whenever we split the bill I get shafted because I don't eat nearly as much. Oh well what are you gonna do. We have been friends since we were in elementary school. We know so much about each other that we have to stay friends. I know enough about her and she knows enough about me that we can totally ruin each other if need be. LOL!!!
Well, I haven't heard from my long lost friend in a while I hope to soon, he is a great guy. Well, I had better go. I have a really long day ahead of me tomorrow. Please feel free to post a hello just so I know that people really read this thing. ~~~Later all you taters~~~

Well, I got on here last night and poured my heart out (yes I had a few to drink) then I hit the wrong button. I was so bummed! So I wrote the best line of the whole entry and posted that all by itself. It looks so lonely. But well, you get the gist of last night's blog.
Well, the GF and I are hitting the town tonight. She wants to hook up with her young stud but can't figure out why on earth he gave her his number, (he looks like a young LL Cool J) so what, it is just for fun, call him!!! I am going to make her call him... I mean really if I were single I would be getting all sorts of numbers just in case a booty call at 1:00am seemed necessary. Yes I tend to be a horny old lady, but hey I can't help it. I need mine and if that's so bad, I'm not sorry. It's not like I walk around horny all the time. If I go a week or so without, I am just going to have to take care of it. I am human after all. Anyway we are going out to City Market to go to Tapas and get all sorts of good food. I have been watching what I eat, I want a certain someone to think I am still attractive. My husband doesn't even notice unless I point it out to him. He so doesn't appreciate me. BUT I digress I am not going out to think about how sad he has been making me feel lately. I am going out to get a breath of fresh air and if I happen to flirt a little bit so be it! I can, I am still (fairly) young and thin and good looking. It is such a reaffirmation for me when I can turn a guy's head. I intend on turning a few tonight. NO, I am not gonna go pick up any guys, I am not gross! I am certainly not like that, but I do want to make sure I still have "it". It must be so bad to have to leave your house just to find out if you are still pretty.....that is really sad. Wish me luck.

I don't ever take an orgasm for granted...

My Wish List:

Has anyone out there ever had an adult wishlist? Not like that, I mean we all had wish lists around the Christmas holiday when we were kids, but.... I have a wishlist and here it is;

I wish I had/or I could-

a fast car (that can fly and float like a boat)-O.K. So that may be kidlike but I love the idea..
a couple of million dollars to spend as I please
a hot tub big enough to fit 20 of my closest friends
to lose my virginity (again) to the same guy
walk around naked at my local mall (don't ask)
meet Kamar de los Reyes again and tell him how fine he REALLY is
get a roundtrip all expenses paid trip to Chicago with the best hotels and best restaurants and hook up with a dear (hot) friend


Oh man I think about stuff all the time and now when I want to actually put it down to read it I can't express all the fun things that I want to do. There are so many things that I want to do that I know I never will do. But you know what they say, if you are gonna dream, dream BIG.

Ok, here we were getting ready for the fun night out. I wasn't quite ready yet, I needed to finish getting tattoos (but my hair was straightened at this point) and put on the hat-n-glasses.

Here is the GF, LOL!!! What more can I say, we giggled till we almost wet ourselves just from putting on some different clothes and silly hats. I swear we should be committed to the loony bin sometimes, LOL!!!!
This guy (I have no idea who he is) came to the party dressed as a DEA agent. I asked if I could have my pic with him and he so kindly agreed. I wanted him to hold the gun like he was gonna shoot me so I held his beer (for effect of course). I think it's funny!
Here we are again, looking pretty silly. (and large!)
There was a really cool pic taken the night of the party but come to find out it was fuzzy and just plain terrible. I had my pic taken with a chick in an Army uniform. She was aiming her fists at me like she was gonna knock my block off and I was giving the "peace love and purple flowers" sign. I called it "War and Peace". I'm still bummed that it didn't come out.