DUMB AS A BOX OF ROCKS!!!
Believe it or not, I am not talking about the hubby this time, I am talking about our son. I didn't know that 11 year old boys were this hard to raise. He has always been a really easy kid to raise, no back talking, no problems, no behavior issues...UNTIL!!! About 7-8 months ago I caught him surfing porn on MY computer. We had a big huge talk about how awful that is and how degrading and wrong all of that is. Well, I check his history on the computer on occasion, no problems since then. UNTIL...
I got home from work today and my computer was on... Hmm... He is not allowed on the computer without an adult around (we now have trust issues...for good reason). Well I logged on as him, checked his history and lo and behold I found out that he was surfing porn again. Looks like he did it yesterday and today, ugh! My baby boy is no longer a baby I guess. He not only did that (if that weren't enough) he sprayed deodorant (from his PE bag) in to the eyes of 3 (really big) 8th graders on the bus. They jumped him on the way home. UMMmm OK?! WTF would prompt him to go and do something stupid like that? Is he looking for an early death? He is white/Hispanic and the deodorant was sprayed randomly and hit 3 black kids. We live in a predominantly black neighborhood. Smart move dumbass!!! Now they are gonna turn it in to a "race thing". Little do they know, his great-grandmother is black. But I am so white that they (my children) have very white skin like me. Genetics, strange how that stuff works. Anyway not only is he turning in to a little horndog, he is an instigator and he conveniently can't remember all of a sudden if he has band or gym class. He has always been on top of all that stuff... Needless to say I am at a loss with him. Teenagerhood is here full force and he isn't even 80 lbs yet!!!
Believe it or not, I am not talking about the hubby this time, I am talking about our son. I didn't know that 11 year old boys were this hard to raise. He has always been a really easy kid to raise, no back talking, no problems, no behavior issues...UNTIL!!! About 7-8 months ago I caught him surfing porn on MY computer. We had a big huge talk about how awful that is and how degrading and wrong all of that is. Well, I check his history on the computer on occasion, no problems since then. UNTIL...
I got home from work today and my computer was on... Hmm... He is not allowed on the computer without an adult around (we now have trust issues...for good reason). Well I logged on as him, checked his history and lo and behold I found out that he was surfing porn again. Looks like he did it yesterday and today, ugh! My baby boy is no longer a baby I guess. He not only did that (if that weren't enough) he sprayed deodorant (from his PE bag) in to the eyes of 3 (really big) 8th graders on the bus. They jumped him on the way home. UMMmm OK?! WTF would prompt him to go and do something stupid like that? Is he looking for an early death? He is white/Hispanic and the deodorant was sprayed randomly and hit 3 black kids. We live in a predominantly black neighborhood. Smart move dumbass!!! Now they are gonna turn it in to a "race thing". Little do they know, his great-grandmother is black. But I am so white that they (my children) have very white skin like me. Genetics, strange how that stuff works. Anyway not only is he turning in to a little horndog, he is an instigator and he conveniently can't remember all of a sudden if he has band or gym class. He has always been on top of all that stuff... Needless to say I am at a loss with him. Teenagerhood is here full force and he isn't even 80 lbs yet!!!
What is a mom to do? Looks like we are going to put him in the after school program and let them keep him until we can go pick him up. He will no longer have the freedom of coming home and chillin and getting his homework finished. Personally I think he needs a good lickin, but I am afraid to tell his father about the porn, last time he did it, it was really ugly up in here.
Please anyone out there with any advice or encouragement, I could really use it right now.
posted by Big Mama at 10:40 PM
8 Comments:
woah. toughie. let me think on it. i don't have any teenagers yet, but lots of friends with them. let me mull it over. i personally am all about the tough love, but let me sleep on it
Thanks, please feel free to ask ANYONE with teens. I am at a loss and I feel like I am totally unprepared for this. I think he just needs his butt kicked!
well after a lot of thought, i have this to give. take it or leave it.
his computer privalges should be revoked completely for a set amount of time becuase he broke his promise.except for homework, which should be supervised. maybe even take the monitor and hide it while you are not there. i personally think you should make it clear that it ok for him to be curious. curiosity is normal. but obviously porn is not allowed in your house, and it is your house. he needs to abide ny the house rules. whatever they may be.he also needs to know that his hormonal changes are normal and a sex drive is healthy. but it should be shared with two people who love and respect each other.
I don't really know what else to say. more activites is a good idea for kids in general just to keep them away from other negative influences that happen sometimes out of shear bordom.
I also think you need to tell your husband in private and decide to take a united front. don't allow him to freak out over the act of looking at porn. allow him to be upset over the promise broken. freaking out only aggrivates and iscolates teenagers. I know. I remember the feeling well. i also remember running away when i felt my parents over reacted. in this day and age, that is a way scarrier thing for parents to deal with. he needs to still feel loved. but he also needs to know that the trust is gone. but that trust can be earned back. he will need hope.
i personally have always thought that youth groups on friday nights were a really great idea for teens. they do fun healthy adult supervised activities and learn good morals as well.
i don't know big mama. i may have been no help at all.
Cher, you are SO helpful! I don't want to alienate him. I have explained to him that it's normal to feel what he is feeling. But I just wan't sure what else to do. I locked my bedroom door when I left this morning in hopes that he would just do his homework. I am signing him up this afternoon for the YMCA so they can guide him and he has a supervised place to be. I guess I am more scared than anything. I don't want him to grow up thinking that what he saw was in any way normal. Thanks for the props and I will keep you posted.
no problem, and a major pat on the back to you as a mother for actually dealing with this and not sweeping it under the rug like a lot of parents would do. i'm not looking forward to dealing with it myself...
I think they call that RAGING HORMONES!!!
I just didn't expect to have it happen THIS soon.
Like I said, I will totally post the fallout from all of this. Brace yourself, you will be the mom of at least 2 BOYS!!! AAA!!! LOL!!!
yikes..this is worse than the time my sister caught me riding my canopy bed pole when i was 10...
LOL!!! At least you were still relatively innocent, LOL!!! A little happier knowing which button to start pushing, LOL!!!
He saw things that I have never seen or even have thought about and I am far from sheltered. We are keeping the communication open and I am praying a WHOLE LOT!
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