T.F.T.D.

*Thought for the day*

Just a thought here, but I think Jude Law

is the voice for the Geico Gecko

just a thought....

*P.S. I adore those commercials...*

TODAY IS A MUCH BETTER DAY...

Thank GOD!

I hate when I get in to a funk. It's not fair to my husband and my children. I know they understand and they are terrific about it, but I need to focus on the living...PERIOD!

My son had is quarterly Dr.'s appt yesterday and got an earful from her. YAY DR. GB!!! When she found out what his grades were she went off on him *heehee* GOOD! He has a really high IQ and the only reason I know this is because he was tested fairly young to rule out learning disabilities or autism. So he has NO excuse. He is as lazy as a dog on a hot summer day. So, he came to work with me afterwards. I was not about to drive him all the way to school, come back and work for 2 hours. So I just let him be here and chill. I love having him around, he's a good kid, lazy, but good. I have not been keeping up with others blogs and e-mails because I just have not wanted to look at the computer.

(Tysgirl I haven't forgotten about you and will e-you later, mwa!)

TODAY WAS NOT A GOOD DAY...

I woke up this morning with a heavy heart. I got a very nice e-mail from Luis-Fer's (my nephew) mother yesterday and I have yet to respond. I just don't know what to say. In her letter she ( I quote) said,"Thank you for loving Luis Fernandito and (his sister). Luis Fer was special and my heart is sooo broken without him. Nothing can console me. I miss him."

How on earth do I respond to that?

For once I am at a loss for words.

I just watched the tribute video that his friend made (yes again). I think it is an awesome and incredible video. It is so him in all the pics. One thing that it doesn't depict is how he really was. I mean if you only saw the video and never knew him you would never know the intelligence that was within. I know that I brag about my kids (like most parents) but I totally have bragging rights over my nephew.

Let me clue you all in on a few things. This young man could speak 3 languages before the age of 8.

You didn't see that in the video.

He was an A student, you didn't see that in the video.

He played the piano, you didn't see that in the video.

He played chess better than anyone I had ever met, you didn't see that in the video.

He loved his church and his God, you didn't see any of those things in the video.

What you saw in the video was a young man who looked like a thug. Like a good for nothing troll... If I didn't know him like I did, I may have thought many of the same things. What people may not realize is he had many friends from many countries and nationalities. There was not enough room in the church for his funeral. Any and everyone that ever met him had a certain respect for his quiet intelligence. He carried a certain confidence about himself, but deep down inside he still thought of himself as the "little fat kid". He was perfect in my eyes and I only hope that one day my children will be so well rounded and loved. I miss him so much, today my heart aches.

Oh and on another note to why my day sucked, my computer at work shit the bed and I lost a lot of work. *sigh* What a day. My head hurts and I just want to crawl under my covers...

Thank you all for seeing me through this, goodnight...

HAPPY FRIDAY...

I finally have a weekend to do nothing. I love weekends like that. I am going to play a computer game. I am in the middle of 3 different books so maybe I will curl up with one of those. I plan on painting a little and maybe even a little photography... Just a whole bunch of feel good stuff. I hope you all have a great awesome fantabulous wonderful weekend!

HAD ANOTHER BAD DREAM LAST NIGHT...

I had a dream/nightmare last night that I was suffocating. In reality I was probably snoring really hard. Not that I ever snore, no, not me...

Other than that, I got nothing for you right now.

Hope you all have a happy Wednesday.

HERE IS A LETTER I RECEIVED TODAY...

This letter is very personal but I wanted to share it because I loved my nephew more than I could ever express in words. I received this letter from his mother today. Today is the 1 month anniversary of his death. With that she went to visit with him all alone in the snow and the cold to tell him that she misses him, we all miss him. She brought roses to him for all of us. I know that most of you don't read Spanish, but trust me if you did your eyes could not stay dry.
Querida familia,Espero que todos se encuentre bien y aunque aun nuestros corazones se encuentran triste por la irreparable perdida deLuis Fernandito, sepan que su cuerpo esta descansando pero su alma y espiritu esta vivo en la presencia de Dios.

Ahoratenemos a un angelito alla en el cielo que vela por todos nosotros.

Hoy 22 de enero, un mes de aniversario de su muerte, fui al cementerio esta manana, estaba nevando muchisimo, el diaestaba frio y muy tranquilo. Fui sola y tuve un tiempo especial con mi muchachito, hablando con el.Le puse en su tumba dos ramos de rosas, un ramo de rosas rojas y otro de rosas blancas.

Por cada una de las rosasblancas, las tome una a una y se las puse de parte de toda la familia en Panama y en los EEUU.

Estas fueron mis palabras por cada rosa blanca: Le dije:Hijo, esta rosa es de parte de tu tia Kenia, tio Juan y tus primitos que te quieren, estan tristes por tu partida y quenunca te olvidaran.

Esta rosa es de parte de tu tia Xiomara, de tio Cesar y tus primitos, que te quiere, estan tristes por tu partida ynunca te olvidaran.

Esta rosa es de parte de tu tia Indira, tu tio Humberto y tus primitos que te quieren, estan tristes por tu partida yque nunca te olvidaran.

Esta rosa es de parte de tu tia Dee, tu tio Charlie y tus primitos que te quieren, estan tristes por tu partida y nuncate olvidaran.

Esta rosa es de parte de tu abuelita Tata, que te quiere, esta triste por tu partida y nunca te olvidara.

Esta rosa es de parte de tu tia Eysa, tio Herrera y tus primitas, que te quieren, estan tristes por tu partida y nuncate olvidaran.

Esta rosa es de parte de tu tio Yunier, tia Sandra, y tus primitos, que te quiere, estan tristes por tu partida y nuncate olvidaran.

Esta rosa es de parte de tu tio Daniel, tia Elia, que te quiere, estan tristes por tu partida y nunca te olvidaran.

Esta rosa es de parte de tu tia Ilsa, tio Francisco y tus primitos, que te quiere, estan tristes por tu partida y nuncate olvidaran.

Esta rosa es de parte de tu tia Belkis, tio Jesus, que te quieren, estan tristes por tu partida y nunca te olvidaran.

Y Esta rosa es de parte de tu abuelita Tita que te quiere, esta triste por tu partida y nunca te olvidara.

Por favor envien esta carta a todos para que sepan, saquen copias para las dos abuelitas Tita y Tata, no tengo todos lose-mails en este momento y avisenme si recibieron esta nota. Love para todos...

HEY, HELLO IS ANYONE OUT THERE

CAN ANYONE HEAR ME???

I have been a very bad blogger these past few months, please forgive me. Today marks one month since my beautiful nephew was murdered. I have been in contact with his mom, sister and good friend. That helps a LOT. I'm getting through it.

I don't want to make this post all about my nephew a-g-a-i-n!!!

This weekend my folks came up. They are so cute! I had a little issue with my electric, as in I lost power to 1/2 my house... So I called dear old dad. I promised to pay his gas money if he would come up and get the lights rolling again. Yay, they work after a boatload of wire tracing and cussing out the non electrician that wired my house. Pop had to rewire three rooms, ugh! But hey it was better than paying some dude an obscene amount of money and not be sure it is really gonna work. My dad RULES! I layed low yesterday and didn't even get ON my computer. Of course that has a lot to do with my daughter being on it *heehee*... I hope you all have a great week and I hope I post a little more frequently.

WELL I FINALLY DID IT.....

I pulled out an old photo album that I knew had pictures of my nephew in it. I felt like I needed to see better times. Happy times. One of these days I will post some of my happy pics. But for now I wanted to share my most favoritest picture ever taken of Luis Fernando.

He came to visit during the summer when he was 14. He was a little pudgy (in his opinion) and just as adorable and sweet as you could ever imagine. He had his hair cut really short and my son wanted the same hairstyle because Louie was COOL! Well Luis-Fer being 1/2 Hispanic and 1/2 black had very different hair than my son who has my very Caucasian hair.... Try explaining that to a 7 year old kid! So... I cut it the very same way with very different results and he thought he was the coolest kid on the block *heehee* such good memories.

I feel the need to share the familial relationship because I'm sure you are wondering how I (a very paper white person) have a black nephew. This is my husband's family. My husband lost his father when he was about 6 months old. My husband's mother's family rallied around her and my husband's cousin Minguito (who was older) stepped up to take over as the male role model for my husband as he was growing up. Minguito was a brother/father to my husband. He got married in Panama to a very beautiful woman (who happens to be black). They moved to Canada before the invasion. After the invasion my husband moved up to Canada to live with them. (This is where I come in to all this) I moved up to Canada to be with my future husband. I fell in love with their children instantly. They were just tiny and didn't speak any English....yet. They were the first children I have ever loved. I remember all the fun we had at the parks and trying to communicate. Definitely a huge part of my young adulthood. I babysat them a lot and they were the best behaved kids ever. We moved away and always kept in touch. We moved to Europe and while we were there Minguito and his wife divorced. We moved to Georgia and Minguito followed soon after. He lived here for a few years and were were lucky and blessed enough to see the kids about once a year (sometimes more). When they were here I would steal them from their father and take them to the beach, the mall and the movies or just over to my place. Once I put them to work painting. You couldn't ask for better young people. I love my niece to death, but my nephew was my heart.

He was very special to me (if you couldn't tell).

GO SEE THIS...

This made me laugh a little and cry a little. I am so proud of the man that my nephew became. He was such a wonderful person. My life has been enriched just for having had him in it. I remember when he was little he refused to put his "kissie lips" away until you gave him a kiss. He would just stand there waiting patiently for as long as it would take for you to kiss him. When he got older he was a little shy but a total love. He spoke 3 languages and was an excellent student. He spoke eloquently with adults and always had something worthy to talk about. He was not one for small talk or "stupid talk" as he would say. I knew he had friends everywhere. I think there was never a stranger as far as he was concerned. He shared things with me that I'm sure he never shared with any one else. I never ever judged him. He got enough of that other places. I have always been there to love him unconditionally and I did. I am so blessed to say I have no regrets as far as he is concerned.

The last thing I said to him every time we talked was,"I love you". He would always respond with,"I love you too Tia."

"Be safe and be careful."

"You know me Tia, I'm always careful."

I miss him so much, it hurts.

I promise that I will get back in to the swing of things soon, I am still trying to work through my emotions. I'm sure you all understand.

But please go check out the tribute to my boy, he was a wonderful part of my world.

PLEASE....

Please click here. The jerk that killed my nephew is now on America's Most Wanted.

Please if you may know anything, I am begging you to call the authorities. I may sleep a little better if this thing is off the streets.

HEY...

I'm still here. I have been busy this last week, trying to clean up the "mess" that is my job. I hate the end of the year and the end of the month all rolled in to one. It's rediculous!

My mother in law is here and I just adore her. Unfortunately she has to leave early because Grandma (her mother) has come down with pneumonia. G-ma lives with mom and now mom is going home to take care of her. I don't blame her for cutting her time short. I do wish she could just move in with us at some point.

I have been having nightmares for a couple of weeks now and I am so tired. I just want blissful happy sleep. No guns, no one getting hurt, you know what I mean? I am usually the one having to defend someone. I think I have shot a total of 21 people in my dreams/nightmares (if I'm not mistaken). In self defense of course. So strange. Oh well, wish me luck and send me some good karma, I'm needing it.

FIRST POST.....

Well.... It's 2008 and this is my first post.

I don't feel very New Years"ie". This year I decided that there is very little that I want to change about myself. I know that sounds conceited and maybe a little odd.... But I have worked for over 40 years to get me this way. I kinda like the way that I have turned out. I'm not saying there is no room for improvement. There totally is, but this year I am going to accept myself and love me for me. I know that I have a good heart that is way too big sometimes. I have always lived by the "Golden Rule" Do unto others as you would have done unto you. To me that means to speak to others as you would want them to speak to you. Treat others with respect. I don't have to like everyone but I feel the undying need to be at peace with myself.....so I treat them with respect even if I get none in return. I need nothing from anyone one else, I have to live with myself and my conscience. I am a very tolerant person and some people think I am very much like a doormat. I beg to differ. I don't do anything that I don't want to do. I choose to give and love and just be myself. If people like me great! if they don't, oh well, they have lost out. I try to stand up for the people that can't stand up for themselves. So I guess what this all boils down to is..... I like me and I want to keep me just the way I am...