TFTD...

*caution major rambling rant ahead*

Have you ever thought about what makes people tick? I mean have you ever thought about what makes people do the things they do? I don't watch television. I know that sounds really strange in our society. I like it, but I just can't sit still very long. I can't sit through a movie or even a one hour program. I like the Discovery Health station. I like Comedy Central and the Food Network. I just can't stand to really sit and stay engaged to it. I have to keep my hands busy. A lot of times I will have the tele on while I'm cleaning so I can hear it. I am not a big music buff either. I love music, but I can't be bothered to learn who is singing and when it was released or any of that mess. I can't even tell you who sings the songs that I like (or even the names of the songs for that matter). I feel so lame and I often wonder what made me this way. I love reading and researching (for my job). I like to crochet and to paint. I love to take pictures. I guess I love the more gentle side of life.

My parents were here this weekend & I think I figured out part of what makes me the way that I am.

Now you all know that I ADORE my parents. They are the sweetest loving-est people that anyone could ever ask for. I swear I won the parental lottery with them.

Well.... with that said.... They have the tele on from the time they wake up (if they are in the room or not) till the time they go to sleep. They always have, my whole life. Oh and it is LOUD! Mom is hard of hearing and you better not talk over what she is trying to hear...

*sigh*

I realized that I always hated taking a back seat to things that were so unimportant.

I have always been outgoing, I am very friendly and I like people for the most part. When I was a child a spent a lot of time alone and I actually liked it. I still do. My parents never understood that I never needed people to define me. I like me just the way I am. When I was a teen I was lucky in the fact that I had two older brothers. One ran with a rough crowd and was very respected in those circles, therefor they weren't anything but sweet to me (they HAD to be). My other brother was VERY popular. He played sports and was in the theater in school. That made being in the grade just below his a breeze! The teachers loved him and so did everyone else. Everyone was always so nice to me. I enjoyed being known for whatever the reason. I always seemed to find the odd ducks that never seemed to fit in. I always tried to include everyone in my "circle of friends".

I shamefully remember in the middle school I was dared to say something mean to a girl once. I vowed after seeing the look in her eyes that I would never cause anyone that kind of pain ever again. So from that day forward I kept that promise. My parents never understood why I befriended everyone. I didn't hang out with everyone but I did treat everyone with the same amount of respect that I always wanted. Now I tell my kids that not standing up for someone is almost like they were the ones being mean to that person. All you have to do is tell the bullies,"that's enough for one day, give them a break..." You never know, it may be the nicest thing that has happened to that person in a very long time. What if that person made a promise to themselves that after school they were going to commit suicide if anyone picks on them one..more..time. But you were able to stop and make a difference in that person's life, even if it is only for a minute. If you are not a part of the solution, you are part of the problem.

I always believed that I could be that person to make a difference, even if only for a minute. That child in me is still there and I like her. My parents could never understand that. Wasn't being popular and good looking enough? Wasn't dating the captain of the football team enough? You are living every teens dream, isn't THAT enough?

I always wondered, is it ever enough?

Are these what make me tick?

*rant over*