Just another Sunday afternoon...
Here I sit just trying to relax after an exhausting weekend. My parents came up. My mom has lost 50+ pounds so I treated her to a shopping spree. She was so cute trying on all the clothes. Of course I got two pairs of shoes and two blouses and a pair of slacks for myself. I couldn't find the shoes that my daughter wanted nor could I find the bolero jacket, maybe next time. Well the hubby is trying to make up for being an ass. I don't blame him, he should. I have never ever been one of those women who pout and bitch and moan about things. I let everything roll off my back but on the inside I hurt. I will never let anyone see me sweat. Everyone thinks I am such a cool customer but in all reality I am a total marshmallow.
My boss piles up the work because he knows I am the only one capable to accomplish everything that he has set forth. But on the inside I worry if I can get everything done in a timely manner. Of course I always make it somehow. I feel like I need to take speed to get everything I want done, done. I can only wish for about 10 more hours in a day.
On a lighter note (aside from my workaholic self) I told y'all about a friend of mine who is a total doll? Yeah, a few posts back.... anyway I fear that I may be invading his space. We started e-mailing each other and I so enjoy that. I get a little silly sometimes and just write exactly what I think to him. I push the send button before I change my mind then I fear that I have said too much or that he may think that I am a total wack-job! I just know that I can tell him everything. I feel safe with him. He is one of the few people that I feel like I can be completely honest with. I am honest with my husband because you can't live without that whole trust thing. Lately I feel like I have to walk on eggshells in my own house (that blows!). Which of course keeps me from telling him things like when the school called me and told me that my son was up to no good...again... So I keep that from him to keep the peace in my home. It also gets about a week or two of my son's chores done without complaint. My husband is from Panama and our cultures clash at times. I only wish I had known when I was young and in love that love does NOT cure everything and you have to be really strong to rise above it. I have spent 14 years rising above it and now at 38 years old I feel like a failure because I am sick of being the only one to try to reach compramises. I take care of our house (he is a huge slob), take the majority of the responsibility with our children (although he is a great father) I am the person to take them to practices and appointments, the dinner maker, the lunch maker (yes they take a bag lunch), work a full time job, try to stretch the finances, do all the shopping, cooking, cleaning, etc... I am tired of having to do all the work. I want to relax and not have to work so hard all the time. He has no idea what I do and get done in the day. He totally has taken me for granted for years now. I will continue to rise above it for my children. They are the best thing that has ever happened to me. And to think I never wanted children. I always believed that I was far to selfish to give that much of myself. That is a laugh. Speaking of which I have been sitting here way to long and I have a ton of laundry to get to. ~~~Happy Sunday everyone~~~
Here I sit just trying to relax after an exhausting weekend. My parents came up. My mom has lost 50+ pounds so I treated her to a shopping spree. She was so cute trying on all the clothes. Of course I got two pairs of shoes and two blouses and a pair of slacks for myself. I couldn't find the shoes that my daughter wanted nor could I find the bolero jacket, maybe next time. Well the hubby is trying to make up for being an ass. I don't blame him, he should. I have never ever been one of those women who pout and bitch and moan about things. I let everything roll off my back but on the inside I hurt. I will never let anyone see me sweat. Everyone thinks I am such a cool customer but in all reality I am a total marshmallow.
My boss piles up the work because he knows I am the only one capable to accomplish everything that he has set forth. But on the inside I worry if I can get everything done in a timely manner. Of course I always make it somehow. I feel like I need to take speed to get everything I want done, done. I can only wish for about 10 more hours in a day.
On a lighter note (aside from my workaholic self) I told y'all about a friend of mine who is a total doll? Yeah, a few posts back.... anyway I fear that I may be invading his space. We started e-mailing each other and I so enjoy that. I get a little silly sometimes and just write exactly what I think to him. I push the send button before I change my mind then I fear that I have said too much or that he may think that I am a total wack-job! I just know that I can tell him everything. I feel safe with him. He is one of the few people that I feel like I can be completely honest with. I am honest with my husband because you can't live without that whole trust thing. Lately I feel like I have to walk on eggshells in my own house (that blows!). Which of course keeps me from telling him things like when the school called me and told me that my son was up to no good...again... So I keep that from him to keep the peace in my home. It also gets about a week or two of my son's chores done without complaint. My husband is from Panama and our cultures clash at times. I only wish I had known when I was young and in love that love does NOT cure everything and you have to be really strong to rise above it. I have spent 14 years rising above it and now at 38 years old I feel like a failure because I am sick of being the only one to try to reach compramises. I take care of our house (he is a huge slob), take the majority of the responsibility with our children (although he is a great father) I am the person to take them to practices and appointments, the dinner maker, the lunch maker (yes they take a bag lunch), work a full time job, try to stretch the finances, do all the shopping, cooking, cleaning, etc... I am tired of having to do all the work. I want to relax and not have to work so hard all the time. He has no idea what I do and get done in the day. He totally has taken me for granted for years now. I will continue to rise above it for my children. They are the best thing that has ever happened to me. And to think I never wanted children. I always believed that I was far to selfish to give that much of myself. That is a laugh. Speaking of which I have been sitting here way to long and I have a ton of laundry to get to. ~~~Happy Sunday everyone~~~
posted by Big Mama at 2:14 PM
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